What Everyone is Saying to Me Right Now

Me, months and months ago

Just a heads up:  This blog post is me sharing what everyone is saying to me now that I look like I should've given birth three months ago.  It may come close to having similarities to a MommyBlog (the horror!) and so, my dear 6 readers, please feel free to just keep moving along in search of more interesting reading material.  I won't blame you.

But perhaps you're the kind of person who doesn't give two craps what books I am reading but you want to hear some of my non-book-related snarkiness today!  You're in luck!

Here's what I hear every single day - at my job, in the elevator, at the grocery store, and all of the other places I frequent (the bars, the clubs, the penthouses, the cigar rooms, the back alleys):

"Oh my gosh, you're STILL wearing heels?"
My response:  Yes, and I will wear heels up until the last day and to be honest, I might wear heels to the hospital.  I like high heels!

"What's baby craving today?"
My response:  Baby is craving an iced white chocolate mocha and a glass of Jack Daniels, neat.

"Is he moving a lot?"
My response:  There's a three ring circus going on in my belly at all times and I have to act like it's not actually happening during meetings.  But hey, if I have you come try to feel him kick, he'll stiffen up like a 6th grader at his first dance.  So he's already kind of in trouble.

"Oh my God, you STILL haven't had that baby!?!?!  You look REALLY pregnant!  Are you sure it's not twins?"
My response:  I apparently still have a couple more months of this so perhaps I'll be birthing an elephant?  Twin elephants?  <or> No, I had him the other day, just having a lot of trouble getting rid of this baby weight.  SO BLOATED.

"You're only taking six weeks off of work?  That's IT?"
My response:  Oh, that'll be plenty.

"Would you like one scoop of Flavor of the Day or two?"
My response:  Two!


Also:  One quick thought that I've been having that's, in truth, not fully formed yet but I'm just going to put it out there.  Lately I've had some nice conversations with some friends who have opted not to do the kid thing.  It's funny how easily I can relate to that, despite having my fourth on the way.  I can easily envision an alternate universe where my life went in a different direction more like my friends' lives (all of them superstars at work at heavily involved in other projects and community efforts).  Yet it's *definitely* tough to envision a life without my Veronica, Vinnie, and Vivian.  
Some folks - and this is 100% a-ok - are very comfortable and committed to their role as a mom.  They follow mom social media pages, post quotes about mom-life, join mom groups, attend mom conferences, and sometimes start sentences with "As a mom, I..."  
When someone says, "I'm sure, as a mom, you-" I usually have that moment where I remember that I'm a parent and panic a little bit.  (Almost) four kids in, and I'm still not sure I'm ready for that title, despite driving what is often mistaken as a mini-van.
But to be Veronica's mom?  Oh yeah, that's me.  Vinnie's mom?  Own it.  And of course to be Vivian's mom - well, that's a privilege above all else.

I guess the bottom line in my mind is that however you approach parenthood- whether you embrace it universally, specifically, or opt out - it's all good and nobody - not co-workers or snarky bloggers or especially anyone on social media - gets to have any input on how you life your life, OKAY?!?!
(With that, I exit, spinning my 14 months pregnant body on a very <fabulous> high heel.)

---

---